Copyright 2001 --- Robert Baer Jr. The Dixiecats -- "Feline Fiasco" DISCLAIMER Road Rovers characters, names, situations and the Road Rovers universe are the property of Warner Bros. I, nor this script/story are connected with Warner Bros. in any way, shape or form. This document may not be publicized or reproduced in any way, shape or form. It must remain fully intact and may not be altered in anyway. It is strictly used for not-for-profit entertainment purposes only, and is not intended to infringe on any Copyrights. This story is written by Robert Baer Jr and the characters Porthos, Felicia, Katrina, Patch, Thomas, Princess and the Gila Monster are the creations of Robert Baer Jr, copyright 1997-2000. Catman is a creation of John Butler. The Dixiecats -- "Feline Fiasco" The scene is the Arkansas State Fair. Annually, people from all over the state gather to have their livestock judged and to have a good time. This year, the DixieCats are attending, along with them are Catman, Princess and the Gila Monster. Catman is in his panther-sapien form with Felicia and Katrina holding each of his hands. PATCH (upset): All of these humans around here bother me PORTHOS (shakes head): Will you relax, Patch? THOMAS (nods); Patch is right, if I hear one more human say.... BOY (walking by): Nice costumes, guys! THOMAS (upset): GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! PRINCESS (smiles): Now now, be nice. After all, we're here to have fun! GILA MONSTER (nods): My girl's right, y'know! Look at your sisters! They ain't complainin'! PATCH (rolls eyes): No wonder... they have Catman! THOMAS (mocking): Oh Catman! You're so brave and strong! PATCH (mocking): I could look at you all day long, Catman! Thomas and Patch laugh until Felicia and Katrina hit them both with boxes of popcorn FELICIA (angry); SHUT UP!!! KATRINA (angry): Go to a violin factory! CATMAN (shocked): Now ladies, you promised that if I came with you to the fair, you wouldn't fight! FELICIA (smiles): We're not fighting each other, darling! KATRINA (points): Just our dumb brothers! CATMAN (sternly): All the same, behave yourselves, for me? FELICIA (dreamily): Anything you say, Catman! KATRINA (dreamily): You handsome hunk of cat! PATCH (rolls eyes): Oh brother.... THOMAS (laughs): Yeah... PRINCESS (sternly): Stop that.... (points): Oh look! The Midway! Oh Gila, win me a stuffed toy, PLEASE?? GILA (big grin): Well, I can't hardly refuses ya when you look at me like that! PATCH (smiles): This should be interesting! THOMAS (nods); Yep! CATMAN (smiling): Well, I promised Katrina and Felicia a ride on the Ferris wheel FELICIA (smiles): Yes, you did Catman! KATRINA (pulling); C'mon, let's go! PORTHOS (nods): Go on ahead, we'll all catch up with you later As Catman, Felicia and Katrina walk towards the rides, the Gila Monster is already at the game booth and holding one of the balls. BARKER (smiling); Alright green man, three shots for a dollar, just knock over the stacked bottles and win a prize! GILA (hands the man a dollar): Here I goes! The Gila throws the ball, although it looks like it hits the bottles in the middle, they don't move. GILA (shocked): HEY!!!! I hit'm square! BARKER (smiling): Maybe you just thought you did, friend! But you do have two more chances.... The Gila grabs another ball and throws it with the same identical results. GILA (growls); I KNOWS I hit'm right that time! BARKER (huge grin): Perhaps not, friend! But you always have one more ball... GILA (angry): I'm gonna git it this time for sure! Stand back, give me room! The Gila tosses the ball straight up into the air, as it falls, he whacks it with his 2 x 4. The surprised Barker ducks for cover as the ball smashes through the back of the booth, leaving a gaping hole. That's when they all notice that the milk bottles are only a 3-D picture. PRINCESS (points): HEY!!! This game's rigged! PORTHOS (nods): A deception! GILA (looks): No wonder I didn't hit them! (motions with finger): Come here, you cheatin' gooberoo! BARKER (defensive): I run an honest business here, I will not stand for this! (shouts): Security!!! Soon, three big men in blue suits rush over to the booth. BARKER (points): These ...er.... people are causing trouble. Escort them off the fairgrounds! PRINCESS (angry): That man is running a rigged game! Look, see for yourself! SECURITY MAN #1 (smiles): That's what they all say, now, come with me.... Meanwhile, at the Ferris wheel, Catman sits between Felicia and Katrina as they ride. KATRINA (smiles): Oh Catman, isn't this romantic? FELICIA (smiles): This is so grand! (whispers): Let's lose Katrina and ride the Tunnel of Love.... KATRINA (snarls): I heard that, sister! FELICIA (snarls): OH YEAH???? KATRINA (angry): I want to ride the tunnel of love with Catman! FELICIA (angry): Go play with a ball of yarn! KATRINA (furious): SHUT UP!!!! CATMAN (shouts): LADIES!!!! FELICIA (upset): You stay out of this! KATRINA (upset): We'll decide who goes to the tunnel of love with you! CATMAN (gruffly): No, I will decide that.... Katrina and Felicia are stunned when they watch Catman disappear. KATRINA (shouts): NO!! CATMAN!! WAIT!!!! FELICIA (shouts): COME BACK!!! PLEASE COME BACK!!!!!! The girls look at each other and snarl. KATRINA & FELICIA (pointing at each other): It's all YOUR fault! Meanwhile, the security guards grab Princess, Porthos and the Gila Monster. The one guard tries to take Gila's 2 x 4. SECURITY GUARD (pulling on it): Give me the lumber, big guy! GILA MONSTER (holding it): NO ONE takes my 2 x 4 away! SECURITY GUARD (pulling): Well.... I want it! GILA MONSTER (big grin): You got it! The Gila Monster jerks it out of the guard's grasp and pounds him on the head with it, knocking him out. When the other two guards try to grab the Gila, they get the same 'treatment'. GILA MONSTER (laughing): Lights out, you bunch of dingledorks! PRINCESS (shocked): You shouldn't have done this! Now they'll send more guards and arrest us! THOMAS (smiles): Not if we leave now! PATCH (nods): Before the trouble starts! PORTHOS (looks around): Er.. too late.... Eight other security guards have surrounded the group, including the head of security. He looks at the guards lying on the ground and at the barker. BARKER (points): Now that you're here, officer, you can have those hooligins jailed! CHEIF (smiles): On the contrary, I want to thank them! BARKER (shocked): Thank them???? Are you insane? CHIEF (points): These three men are imposters! (points at the booth): And even I can see that your carvinal game is rigged! It is YOU who I'm putting under arrest! BARKER (shocked): NOW SEE HERE!!!!!!! CHIEF (shouts): Take them all away and call the state police! (turns to the Gila and the others): Nice work! Did all of you knock these thugs? GILA MONSTER (big grin): Nope, I is the one that did it! CHIEF (smiles): I'll bet the director of the fair will want to meet you! Please, come with us, all of you! PRINCESS (happy): You're a hero! THOMAS (happy); Way to go, big guy! PATCH (nods): I agree! PORTHOS (looks around): I only wish Catman and our sisters were here... CATMAN (comes out from behind a tent pole): Looks like you got your wish! THOMAS (surprised): Catman? PORTHOS (looks around): But, where are my sisters? CATMAN (laughing): Probably still on the Ferris Wheel, fighting over me... PATCH (shakes head): Will those two EVER learn? PRINCESS (smiles): Love makes you do strange things... PORTHOS (smiles); Well, c'mon, I want to meet the fair director. Felicia and Katrina will just have to catch up with us later. Meanwhile, on the other side of the fairgrounds, Felicia and Katrina are off of the Ferris Wheel but still quarreling over Catman. They unwittingly approach the livestock exhibitions as they walk. FELICIA (angry): I'm sick and tired of this! CATMAN IS MINE!!! KATRINA (angry): Are those your last words, kitty cat? FELICIA (furious): Actually, THIS IS!!! Felicia punches Katrina in the jaw so hard, she lands in the nearby pig corral. She's so furious, Felicia jumps in after her and they both are throwing punches and rolling around in the mire. MAN (watching): HEY LOOK!!! LADY MUD WRESTLING!!!! Soon, a crowd gathers around the pig corral, watching Felicia and Katrina beating the living daylights out of each other. Meanwhile, Catman, Porthos, Thomas, Patch, Princess and the Gila Monster are now standing in front of Ethan Altoss, the dircetor of the State Fair. ETHAN (smiles); So, you're the ones who broke up that crooked barker and his phony security guards! PORTHOS (points): Actually, it was the Gila Monster who did most of the work ETHAN (nods): Yes, I have heard of you! Mr Gila, here are free passes for you and all your friends, you are my special guests at the fair today! GILA MONSTER (smiles); WOW!! Thanks a lot! Can I have free food too? ETHAN (nods): Sure! Just show the vendors your VIP pass and .... GILA MONSTER (grabs Princess by the hand): Time's a wastin' ! I'm gonna eat an ocean of cotton candy! PORTHOS (waves): Goodbye Mr Altoss! and thank you! ETHAN (smiles): Thank you all! CATMAN (sadly): I wonder where Felicia and Katrina are? PA ANNOUNCER (blaring): THERE IS A FREE LADY MUD WRESTLING EXHIBITION TAKING PLACE AT THE LIVESTOCK EXHIBIT AREA..... REPEAT .... THERE IS A FREE LADY .... PORTHOS (shocked): You don't suppose... PRINCESS (shouts): OH NO!!! THEY COULDN'T BE!!!! CATMAN (sternly): We better get there, FAST!!! By the time Catman teleports the others there, Felicia and Katrina are barely recognizable under layers of layers of dried and drying mud. The two have already punched each other so hard, their faces have blood on them. CATMAN (shouting): FELICIA!!! KATRINA!!!! STOP THIS NOW!!!!! After another flurry of punches, the two cat sisters can barely stand. They each fall to the ground. PATCH (giggles): Looks like this fight's over! GILA MONSTER (sadly): Too bad, I likes a good fight! PRINCESS (angry): GILA!!! (sternly): We better get them some first aid! THOMAS (nods): And maybe some second aid, too! Catman uses his magic to levitate the two would be mud wrestlers out of the corral and gently leans them against two tent poles. As he further uses his magic to 'clean' them up, the two slowly open their eyes. FELICIA (moaning): Er.... I feel like I got hit by a bus..... KATRINA (moaning): My head is throbbing..... (looks up at Catman): Did I win?.... CATMAN (sternly): From where I'm standing, you're both big time losers... FELICIA (shocked); You can't .... YYYYEEEOOOOWWWWW!!! .... mean that..... KATRINA (shocked): No Catman..... (moans)...... I won! ..... I ....love you.... FELICIA (angry): I love him more! KATRINA (upset): Wanna bet? CATMAN (furious): THAT DOES IT!!! I was going to invite you two for more rides and fun, but if this is the way you're going to act, I'll send you both home... FELICIA (shouts); NO! WAIT!! KATRINA (shouts): PLEASE WAIT!! WE'LL BE.... GOOD! FELICIA (nods): YES!! WE WILL!!! CATMAN (sternly): Well..... (smiles): Alright, but I mean it, NO more fighting at all, is that clear? The girls nod as Catman gives them both a gentle hug. CATMAN (smiles); Now, who's for a ride on the Deep Drop? Felicia and Katrina each take one of Catman's hands as they walk towards the fairgrounds. PORTHOS (laughs): Personally, I don't see what Catman sees in either of my sisters... PATCH (giggles): Yeah, they both need to control their tempers! THOMAS (nods): You sure got that right! PRINCESS (looks around); Hey! Where's my boyfriend? Soon, they find the Gila Monster standing next to a cotton candy vendor, holding five huge bags of cotton candy. PRINCESS (smiles): Why darling! You got enough cotton candy for all of us! GILA MONSTER (confused): I did?? (shakes head): This here's all for me! The others watch in shock as the Gila consumes the fives bags of cotton candy in five seconds flat. PORTHOS (shocked): I would not have believed it.... PATCH (stunned): A lizard with a sweet tooth! THOMAS (giggles): Bet he'll have a sugar rush soon! PRINCESS (disappointed): GILA!!! I thought you were going to share! GILA MONSTER (licking hands): That director dude said I could have all the cotton candy I want! Hey, so can yous guys with your VIP passes! PORTHOS (looks at his pass): He's right, y'know... PRINCESS (embarrassed): Oh.... I'm sorry, dear.... GILA MONSTER (smiles): Hey, that's alright, give me a big kiss! PRINCESS (pushes him away): After you wash all that sticking candy from your face and lips! PATCH (laughs); Yeah, you two might be stuck together for a long time if you don't! They all laugh together. Porthos, Patch and Thomas all go off in opposite directions from Princess and Gila Monster. Soon, the three cat brothers run into Catman and their sisters at the Midway. PORTHOS (smiles): You three sure look like your having a good time! FELICIA & KATRINA (looking up at Catman): We are! CATMAN (nods): I thought so! PATCH (points): Look over there! Some sort of commotion! THOMAS (laughs); People running in all directions! I wonder if a skunk got loose in the fairgrounds! CATMAN (sternly): I don't think so Thomas, we better check it out! PORTHOS (stops one of the fleeing people): Why are you running away? MAN (pointing): There's a horrible looking creature in the Tunnel of Love! FELICIA (scared); CREATURE??? KATRINA (scared): HORRIBLE CREATURE??? Felicia and Katrina hold Catman closer. THOMAS (laughs): Oh boy! Now we'll have some fun! PORTHOS (shakes head): Careful brother, let's approach with extreme caution Soon, Catman and the DixieCats have teleported to the exit tunnel of the Tunnel of Love, by now several state troopers and a S.W.A.T. team have joined the others, even Ethan Altoss has arrived on the scene. TROOPER (to the others): Eyewitnesses say that this monster entered the Tunnel of Love and took someone as a hostage. Approach with caution.... (points): Here comes a boat through the exit, it could be him... The crowd looks in amazement as the boat slowly emerges, with the Gila Monster and Princess sitting on it, hugging and kisses. TROOPER (points); THAT'S THE CREATURE!!!! SHOOT IT!!!! CATMAN (shouts): HEY!!! PORTHOS (shouts): THAT'S NO MONSTER!!! PRINCESS (shouts): STOP!!! GILA MONSTER (stands up): WHAT IN THE WILD WORLD IS Y'ALL DOIN?? ETHAN (shouts): HOLD YOUR FIRE!!! THESE ARE FRIENDS OF MINE!!! The troopers and S.W.A.T. team lower their weapons when they hear Ethan's command. Within minutes, after some discussion, everyone understood that this was a false alarm. TROOPER (sadly): Sorry, Mr Gila Monster, we were only responding to what the crowds said they saw.. GILA MONSTER (laughs); Hey, that's ok! My face would scare anyone! PRINCESS (upset): It's not ok with me! How could any of you think that my Gila is a horrible creature? TROOPER (takes off hat): Ma'am, we all very sorry.... is there anything we can do to make it up to you? The scene switches to a place outside the fairgrounds, it is now dark. Catman, Princess, Gila Monster and the DixieCats are now leaving the fair. PORTHO (happy): That was an evening to remember! CATMAN (looks down at Felicia and Katrina): In more ways than one! GILA MONSTER (happy): And thanks Princess, for getting you and me these swell lookin' Trooper hats! PRINCESS (smiles): I thought you'd like it, dear! THOMAS (happy): Well, time to go home now... FELICIA (disappointed); AWWWWWWW!!! KATRINA (disappointed): Do we have to? PORTHOS (nods): Yes, we must. GILA MONSTER (big grin): We're gonna had to do this again sometime! CATMAN (nods): I agree! Catman kisses both Katrina and Felicia as he waves goodbye and disappears. The DixieCats wave as the GIla Monster and Princess disappear into the night, before leaving themselves. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------